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Teletubbies: Dance With the Teletubbies Original 1997 VHS
Teletubbies Dance with the Teletubbies Original 1997 VHS: There's so much in this world.....and I can't think of anything right now. There's something that happened a long time ago and it's clinging onto me like glue. This VHS tape that I got once ruined my childhood forever. Remember Teletubbies? It was one of the greatest kids shows of the 90s. One episode had a Lion and Bear causing the skit itself to get banned in the US. I really liked that Magical Event. However.....this one lost VHS tape hit me hard.....so I am going to tell you about it. Here is the story. Anyways, my name is Dave. I LOVE Teletubbies. I have a huge collection of Teletubbies DVDs, toys and even books! I have always loved Teletubbies. My favorite Teletubbies tape was 'Nursery Rhymes', released by PBS. I really liked it when the Teletubbies did 'Hey Diddle Diddle'. I also liked the Magical Event in it, the Magic Tree. But there is one tape that I have always wanted, 'Dance with the Teletubbies'. However, I ended up getting a wrecked copy of the tape. Why? It was the 4th of July. I was watching one of my old Teletubbies tapes from childhood, 'Favorite Things'. Until suddenly, I realized there was one tape I didn't have, 'Dance with the Teletubbies'! I decided to look for it on eBay. So I pulled out my laptop and went on eBay. I looked for the tape, but couldn't find it! Until suddenly, a listing from the UK had it, so I clicked on it and it said: "TELETUBBIES DANCE WITH THE TELETUBBIES ORIGINAL 1997 VHS ORIGINAL RELEASE FROM THE UK!" It was the only tape available and it cost 20 dollars (16 pounds in UK money) and I said, "Really? Well, time for me to spend another day's worth of cash." So I decided to reluctantly buy it and then it said: "Your tape will come in 3 months!" I said, "3 MONTHS? IT WILL BE FALL BY THEN!" Being a 17 year old Teletubbies fan, it was really hard for me. But I waited by doing other stuff during the summer. 3 months later my parents were going to a Halloween party for grownups at their job. They said they would be back later tonight. So when I got the tape, I decided to watch it. As soon as my parents left, I looked in the mailbox and saw the package, and as it turns out, the tape was chained in the post office the entire time, which is why it took 3 months to get it unchained. SERIOUSLY? My old VCR from the early 1990s was still in good condition, and despite the tape itself being from the UK, it worked great on my US VCR. Sweet! The VHS case was a bit damaged, it had been peeled off on the front and the back. The tape itself looked different. It was colored red and had a purple sticker label. It worked great by the way. But what was so weird was that the tape was printed on January 1st, 1996. This was one year before Teletubbies made its UK premiere on the BBC. "This must be an early version of it." I said. So I put in the tape and it showed the warnings, the BBC logo, stuff that was also available from the BBC and then the baby in the sun. After the narrator said, "Over the hills and far away, Teletubbies come to play.", the video went into black static for 10 seconds, so I smashed the VCR with a hammer and then it suddenly started working again. The theme song was different as well, it was a lower pitched instrumental version of the Teletubbies theme song. The first dance sounded very sad, the Teletubbies were sad dancing to minor key sad music. When they stopped dancing suddenly, all 4 of them started crying. The next dance was even sadder, because some sad rock music was playing while the Teletubbies were dancing. The Teletubbies just stood there after it ended, saying nothing like they were just statues. Suddenly, the Windmill spun, and it was time for a TV event. Tinky Winky was the chosen one, and on his tummy were a girl named Maya and her 6 siblings. Maya was tap dancing with her siblings, until one of the siblings slipped and fell, and suddenly, he was rushed to the ER and he was dead. The TV event ended. The next dance was the Teletubbies doing the Walking Dance. Tinky Winky and Laa Laa were motionless while Dipsy and Po were doing nothing at all. This did not seem like the Teletubbies at all. And the next part were the Teletubbies taking turns wearing a skirt, but it was different. The skirt was a tight mini skirt, Po looked like a slut wearing that thing. When Tinky Winky put on the skirt, he fell down and bumped his head from wearing it. It was Laa Laa's turn to wear the skirt. She did a ballet dance wearing that thing. I was a bit confused at what the Teletubbies were doing. Suddenly, Laa Laa went to Dipsy and said, "Hey you stupid! Wear that damn skirt or I'll kill you!" Dipsy ripped the skirt out of Laa Laa's legs and shredded it to pieces. Yikes. The next dance showed the Teletubbies doing the Running Away dance. Tinky Winky and Po bumped into Dipsy and Laa Laa, then, they started to hit each other. Po ran away and then Tinky Winky grabbed her by the arm and swung her around, I was hoping this part would be over, but, it lasted 2 extra minutes. The Baby in the Sun was crying blood, and then the Teletubbies turned their backs on each other and ran away. That... was weird. The Baby in the Sun was suddenly smiling again, and then the Teletubbies were all glitched up when running around a tree. Tinky Winky took out his bad and grabbed a knife. He pointed it towards Dipsy, and then Dipsy had a flashback of him dancing with the Teletubbies (taken from the Falling Down Dance), and then he cried, which caused me to cry too. Suddenly, Tinky Winky talked in an evil voice and said, "You are the one responsible for this! We were supposed to have fun, so this is my revenge on you!" Huh? I was confused. He then slashed his knife on Dipsy's head, and it came off! Blood was pouring out of his stump. Suddenly, the Windmill started spinning with green sparkles. It was starting to spin faster, then the Teletubbies noticed, and it spun even faster. But the Windmill was making weird noises. The camera then panned to the Teletubbies staring at Dipsy, then they said, "Uh oh!" and rushed to the windmill. As the windmill spun, a voice was being heard, which sounded like a British child crying. Her face showed up as the Windmill spun, and said: "Killing someone is a sin. Especially when it's someone you once knew. I may not be someone, but I am a spirit. I am part of the Windmill as it spins for a magical event. Now, someone will experience death for himself. Watch." The Dancing Bear came in his flying carousel-thingy and grabbed a gun and killed himself. Then he collapsed on the ground as the carousel -thingy flew off without him. The Teletubbies were all horrified. Then, Tinky Winky, with red eyes, picked up the bear and decided to bury him. He buried him under a tree. Then, he and the other Teletubbies have a funeral for the Dancing Bear. Then, the Baby in the Sun is here again, but this time, laughing hysterically. It cut to some dead rabbits lying in the ground, some of them getting eaten by hawks. I didn't even know there were hawks in Teletubbyland! Flowers were drooping, it was very hot. It then cut to what was supposed to be the Follow the Leader dance, but no music was playing. The Teletubbies were just sitting there, doing, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Then, the screen cut to black. No end credits, no nothing. Suddenly, after about 2 minutes, something else popped up. I was shocked. I had thought the tape was over! The Teletubbies were supposed to do the Round and Round dance, but they were still doing nothing. "Dance!" the narrator shouted. Only Po danced, just moving her feet to the music. Suddenly, the Narrator yelled in a loud and angry voice, "DANCE RIGHT NOW OR I WILL CAUSE A TORNADO IN TELETUBBYLAND!" Believe me, that sounded nothing like the narrator. Laa Laa danced to the music while Tinky Winky stood there, motionless. Suddenly, the Narrator said, "ALL RIGHT, I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU ASSHOLES!" and then blew Tinky Winky away in a tornado, and blood could be heard, splattering everywhere. Laa Laa was shocked. "Uh oh!" she cried, then the Narrator shouted, "JUST KEEP DANCING, IDIOT!" So she and Po did the Round and Round dance. It suddenly cut to the Teletubbies and the Cloud, with only Laa Laa and Po, because Tinky Winky and Dipsy were dead. Just like in the original episode, the cloud began to rain. As it rained, Tinky Winky suddenly began to resurrect. The Narrator angrily said, "TINKY WINKY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT FUCKING CLOUD? GET OUT! NOW!" Tinky Winky then showed up with Laa Laa and Po as they did the Splashing Dance in the puddle. After the splashing dance, a voice trumpet showed up. Laa Laa stared in awe at the voice trumpet, and then a title card reading "5 years later showed up". 5 years? Seriously? Then, the Teletubbies were in their house staring at the voice trumpet. The voice trumpet said in a man's voice, "What if the world never invented dancing? Dancing sucks. No one deserves to dance anymore. Now it's time for death. So die, you big yellow thing!" The voice trumpet then showed up and impaled Laa Laa through her chest, and said, "Death is God." and Laa Laa was bleeding, her corpse was on the ground, motionless. Tinky Winky and Po stared at the corpse of Laa Laa, then, a title card read, "Later still". It cut to Tinky Winky and Po doing the Falling Down Dance. They tried to spin, but all they did was fall down. Suddenly, the Narrator said, "Why aren't you dancing? Wait, are you being idiots again?" Tinky Winky then said, "Prepare to die!" as he threw Po to the Windmill and Po was impaled on the Windmill propellor and she spun around like a spinny ride at a carnival, and her last words were "Uh oh!" and then she fell to the ground dead. Tinky Winky then said, "Oooooh! No more Po!" A title card saying "And now, more with Tinky Winky!" showed up, and it shows the dead bodies of Dipsy, Laa Laa and Po. Tinky Winky was giving the Windmill a big hug, and then said, "My friends are dead, and now it's my turn to die again." He jumped really high and got impaled by the Windmill propellor and fell to the ground dead. It then showed all of the dead bodies of the Teletubbies lying on the ground, and scary organ music played. Then a message in Russian showed up, which translated to: "You can die when moving your feet." Then it ended with another warning. That was it. I was terrified, so I threw the tape into the compost pile. This tape ruined my childhood! I couldn't even sleep when Halloween came around! The day after Halloween, I sent an email to Ragdoll Productions explaining all of this. Ragdoll Productions is the company that makes Teletubbies. Here is the email Ragdoll replied to me with: To: Terrified From: Ragdoll Productions Subject: Creepy Teletubbies 1997 VHS: We're sorry about the experience you had with this tape. We had nothing to do with the tape that you had watched, we never make disturbing content. But we understand your fears so please throw out the tape and forget about it. And remember: The Teletubbies love each other very much. I told my parents, my friends, my teachers, and even my grandparents but they did not believe the episode. Until one day I saw one of my classmates watching a video of a Dancing Bear on the school computer, and suddenly, a girl named Maya came in with a gun and killed it. It was almost like the VHS I watched, I got scared and reported it to my teacher. I already made the tape rot in the compost pile so it's gone. But I can't let it go. It was creepy, and terrifying. Till the end of the year, I tried to forget about it. But I couldn't do it. So I went to Chuck E Cheese's and had some pizza for lunch with my parents, then Chuck E came out and whispered into my ear, "The Teletubbies love you very much."